Romans 7:15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.
Paul had it so right. I want to be generous and kind, uplifting and encouraging. But instead, I find myself behaving badly, even making someone feel less than the important person they are.
A funny thing happened to me last year. I was walking with my husband when a car backed out of a space, so close we could have touched it. I was indignant. “Knock on that car!” I said. “I want them to know we’re back here, and we could have been hurt!”
He refused, and we went on about our business. I forgot all about it until a week or so later when I was with my sister. I backed out of a space and I thought I looked, but….you guessed it… someone knocked on my car! They were furious. In fact, they had quite a bit to say about my intelligence.
I was angry and wounded at first, until God reminded me of my own reaction to someone’s mistake. I got to see firsthand what it would have felt like for the poor driver if my husband hadn’t been the better person. Will that make me never respond like that again? I would like to say yes, but as the experience fades, I know I’m liable say or do something which is at best ungraceful, or at worst cruel.
Just thinking I’ve hurt someone upsets me, so I know I’m on the right track, but sometimes my emotions get the best of me. It helps to know that even the giants of the Bible were human. They too had times when they didn’t like themselves very much. The only thing we can do is learn from it, pick ourselves up and try again. I believe it’s worth the effort.